Adults ask a lot from toddlers. Just when toddlers start to get attached to objects, just when they start to have favorites, just when they start to learn the concept of “mine,” well-meaning adults start to ask them to share. Most of the time, when toddlers learn new things, those new things actually help them to master the next tasks they need to master. With the concepts of ownership and sharing, though, it might feel like the better they learn one, the harder it will be to figure out the other.
It’s true that, before Baby was all that attached to objects, she may have been more willing to hand a toy over, but that had more to do with distraction than it did with a desire to be generous. She may not be very good at sharing, but she is starting to understand the concepts that might actually lead to some genuine sharing – it just might take a little while.
In the meantime, you can help Baby by heading off some sticky situations before they start. Getting attached to objects, and learning about empathy and generosity, are both processes that can get tangled up in Baby’s brand new, big feelings as they grow this year. Not only is Baby learning to share, but she’s also learning to manage the emotions that can go with having to be patient, and to think of others. One way you can help is by practicing taking turns with her at home before asking it of her out in public. You can also help her avoid situations she might not be ready to deal with gracefully yet by putting her very favorite things away before a friend comes over to play, or by leaving favorite things at home before going to playgroup or the park.
Baby’s brain, and her social skills, are growing every day, but she is still pretty little, and can still use your help avoiding social situations she might not be up for yet. Not putting her in a position to have to share something she isn’t going to be willing to share can fall into the same category as putting her down for a nap before she’s tired enough. She just might not be old enough to know when to put herself down to bed without your help, and she might not be able to navigate playground sharing without a helping hand, either, especially if the toy in question could be her comfort object.
Not all babies or toddlers attach to comfort objects, but for the ones that do, a comfort object is more than just a favorite thing, but a comfort they can depend on if a parent isn’t around. They can be great tools for working towards raising self-confident, independent, unafraid kids, but encouraging children to share comfort objects can get in the way of this goal.
Milestones
- Copies you: If your toddler imitates you as you do regular household activities, it’s a common sign of a few different things. First, she still wants to be just like you when she grows up – and even sooner than that, if possible. She learns from you every day, but more than that, imitating your actions can be the beginning of an early version of imaginary play.
- Uses two-word sentences: She has probably been saying a word or two for a while now, but many children around this age start to be able to put those words together to form slightly more complex thoughts and messages. “More, please!” might not be a very long speech, but it still says a lot about how far Baby has come.
Sources
- T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., Touchpoints: Birth to Three, 2nd Edition, Joshua D. Sparrow, M.D., De Capo Press. 2006. Print.
- Celia A. Brownell, Stephanie S. Iesue, Sara R. Nichols, Margarita Svetlova. “Mine or Yours? Development of Sharing in Toddlers in Relationship to Ownership Understanding.” Child Development. 84(3): 906-920. May 2013. Retrieved June 23 2017. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3578097/.
- M. Dapretto, E.L. Bjork. “The development of word-retrieval abilities in the second year and its relation to early vocabulary growth.” Child Development. 71(3): 635-48. May-June 2000. Retrieved June 23 2017. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10953930.
- Mary L. Gavin. “Growth and Your 1-to-2-Year-Old.” KidsHealth. The Nemours Foundation, January 2015. Retrieved June 23 2017. http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/grow12yr.html.
- Alison Gopnik, Andrew Meltzoff. “The Development of Categorization in the Second Year and its Relation to other Cognitive and Linguistic Developments.” Child Development. 1987. Retrieved June 23 2017. http://ilabs.washington.edu/meltzoff/pdf/87Gopnik_Meltzoff_ChildDev.pdf.
- Laura Markham. “Toddlers: Social, Solitary and Parallel Play.” Aha! Parenting. Dr. Laura Markham. Retrieved June 23 2017. http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/toddlers-social-solitary-and-parallel-play.
- Rebecca Parlakian, Claire Lerner. “From Baby to Big Kid: Month 20.” Zero to Three. ZERO TO THREE: National Center for Infants, Toddlers, and Families, May 12 2016. Retrieved June 23 2017. https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/1249-from-baby-to-big-kid-month-20.
- Rebecca Parlakian, Claire Lerner. “From Baby to Big Kid: Month 17.” Zero to Three. ZERO TO THREE: National Center for Infants, Toddlers, and Families, May 12 2016. Retrieved June 23 2017. https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/1246-from-baby-to-big-kid-month-17.
- Raising Children Network. “12-15 months: toddler development.” Raising Children. Raising Children Network, August 22 2016. Retrieved June 23 2017. http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/child_development_12-15_months.html/context/563.
- Raising Children Network. “15-18 months: toddler development.” Raising Children. Raising Children Network, February 1 2016. Retrieved June 23 2017. http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/child_development_15-18_months.html/context/563.
- Raising Children Network. “18-24 months: toddler development.” Raising Children. Raising Children Network, September 2 2016. Retrieved June 23 2017. http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/child_development_18-24_months.html/context/563.
- Raising Children Network. “Language Development: 1-2 years.” Raising Children. Raising Children, January 2 2016. Retrieved June 23 2017. http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/language_development_1_to_2_years.html/context/563.
- Jessica A. Sommerville, Marco F. H. Schmidt, Jung-eun Yun. “The Development of Fairness Expectations and Prosocial Behavior in the Second Year of Life.” Infancy. 18(1): 40-66. January-February 2013. Retrieved June 23 2017. http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1532-7078.2012.00129.x/abstract.
- “12-24 Months: All About Words.” Multilingual Children. Multilingual Children’s Association, 2004. Retrieved June 23 2017. http://www.multilingualchildren.org/milestones/second_year.html.
- “18 Months.” PediNeuroLogic Exam. University of Utah Health Sciences Library. Retrieved June 23 2016. http://library.med.utah.edu/pedineurologicexam/html/18month.html.
- “2017 Recommended Immunizations for Children from Birth through 6 Years Old.” CDC. Centers for Control and Prevention, December 2016. Retrieved June 23 2017. https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/parents/downloads/parent-ver-sch-0-6yrs.pdf.
- “Developmental Milestones: 2 Year Olds.” HealthyChildren. American Academy of Pediatrics, June 1 2009. Retrieved June 23 2017. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Developmental-Milestones-2-Year-Olds.aspx.
- “Important Milestones: Your Child by One Year.” CDC. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, August 15 2016. Retrieved June 23 2017. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/milestones-1yr.html.
- “Language Delays in Toddlers: Information for Parents.” HealthyChildren. American Academy of Pediatrics, November 18 2011. Retrieved June 23 2017. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Language-Delay.aspx.
- “Toddlers (1-2 years of age).” CDC. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, January 3 2017. Retrieved June 23 2017. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/toddlers.html.
- “Your busy toddler: Games, toys and play in the second year of life.” Caring for Kids. Canadian Paediatric Society, May 2017. Retrieved June 23 2017. http://www.caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/your_busy_toddler.