For most of your family’s journey through the surrogacy process has been just that – yours. Since Baby’s birth, though, it means something different and special to him, too. It is his origin story, after all.
Experts suggest that letting children know, in age-appropriate terms (maybe save the most detailed anatomical diagrams at least until Baby can read) that they were born through surrogacy from an early age. This way, children can grow up with the knowledge of how they came into the world and can see it as just one of many normal, healthy ways that families are formed. If, on the other hand, children are told later that they were born through surrogacy, or if they find out from someone other than their parents, they may
Choosing keepsakes from the surrogacy process
Any pictures you’ve taken throughout your surrogate or gestational carrier’s pregnancy, including pictures of yourself and your partner (if you’re parenting with a partner), pictures of your surrogate or gestational carrier and her family, and ultrasound pictures, are all great to keep somewhere special – these are great pictures to print out and have around your home or in an album, as well as backed up on the cloud or a hard-drive. Even if your family plans to stay in close touch with your surrogate or gestational carrier, the pictures of this time in particular are always going to be special.
If you found your gestational carrier through a profile, making a copy of that profile can also be a great keepsake, as can any notes, doodles, or especially good texting threads. Baby is still a couple of years away from this point, but you’ll notice that, as he enters the toddler years, he will start to categorize the world around him, and will start to understand and remember things more if he can process them as stories or narratives. This is also around the time when many young children start to form longer-term memories. During this time, keeping your tone matter-of-fact canhelp to keep your child from feeling confused or conflicted about this part of his story.
If you conceived using a sperm donor or egg donor
If you conceived using a sperm donor or egg donor, this is and a great way to introduce your little one to that part of his story. It’s natural that at some point in his childhood, Baby will have some curiosity about his donor. Most sperm and egg donation through agencies is anonymous, but some agencies offer some information about donors. If this information is available, you may want to save it and set it aside for your child, in case he is curious about it when he gets older.