Whether it comes from always having wanted a bigger family or just seeing Baby interact with other children and thinking that it might be nice if he had a sibling, plenty of parents start to think about whether they want to start to try for another child once their baby starts to make his way into toddlerhood, and parents who have had babies carried by surrogates or gestational carriers are no different. However, parents through surrogacy do have an extra choice when it comes to having another child – do they want to try to work with the same surrogate?
Using the same surrogate for a second pregnancy
Parents whose children were born through traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate uses her own eggs and a parent’s sperm or donor sperm, may hope to work with the same surrogate as a way of making sure their children are fully genetically related to each other – and families who had traditional surrogacies may already have discussed the possibility of a second child before the first pregnancy. When it comes to gestational surrogacy, surrogacy where the gestational carrier carries a baby she is not genetically related to, the main reasons to go back to the same gestational carrier may be a positive experience the last time around and, potentially, a chance to offer a child born through surrogacy a chance to get to know his gestational carrier, and to see surrogacy – and by extension his own birth – as a postive experience for their whole family.
Working with the same surrogate or gestational carrier for a second pregnancy may have been something you already talked to your surrogate or gestational carrier about during the previous pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean it’s a sure thing. After all, surrogacy is just one part of your surrogate or gestational carrier’s life, and the timing may be wrong, or her feelings may have shifted. However, there’s never any harm in reaching out, checking back in, and talking the next step your family is thinking of taking through with one of the people who helped to bring Baby into your lives.
If you worked with an agency for your previous pregnancy, and you think you’d like to work with the same agency again, it’s worth looking into the agency’s policies before reaching out. Some agencies will require surrogates or gestational carriers to go through the same screening process they have in the past before beginning a sibling project with the same family. On the other hand, it may also be helpful to reach out to your former surrogate or gestational carrier directly and check in about her level of comfort with the agency, to make sure she and your family are on the same page.
Considering working with a new surrogate for the next pregnancy
On the other hand, if there were parts of your surrogacy journey that didn’t feel like they worked as well as they could have for your family – if, for example, you feel like you would have felt more comfortable on your surrogacy journey with a surrogate or gestational carrier who lived nearer to you, or who shared your point of view on a key concern, there’s no reason not to look for another surrogate or gestational carrier who you feel you might have a more positive experience with this time around. Your surrogate or gestational carrier last time shared something extremely special with your family, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything disloyal about going in a different direction the next time around. After all, this time, you and your family already have an idea of what questions to ask, and which answers to those questions are more important to you than others.