What’s something that can make good sex even better? Learning how to talk about sex. This topic is often difficult or intimidating for partners to approach. What do you think is the one thing you could add to the mix in the bedroom right now that would really take things to the next level for you? Well, okay, that thing you’re thinking of now? That’s not exactly what we had in mind – though you should definitely tell your partner about it – but it does lead us to the answer. If you share with your partner that, um, rather exciting thing you just thought of, you’ll be engaging in one very sexy habit that can make your love life even better – good communication.
How to talk about sex with your partner
Sure, communication may not sound that sexy, but it can be. When you and your partner have clear channels of communication between you when you’re getting intimate, it can help ensure that you both know exactly what the other wants in a sexual experience. Without this, it’s hard to be satisfied or feel heard. With it, you can both find greater pleasure in the experience, have more fun, and get closer. And there’s a lot you can do to get there.
Share likes and dislikes
It’s meaningful to talk about these things before you get between the sheets, when you’re in the middle of the action, and even afterward. You should only ever be doing what you really want to do in bed, and the same goes for your partner. Talking about what you both like and dislike, and figuring out what you want to do together, can help you get on the same page about this.
Check in with each other
As you learn how to talk about what you like and dislike during a sex with your partner, remember to check in every step of the way. Thinking flirting is leading to the bedroom? Ask, “Do you want to take this to the bedroom?” Thinking you’d like to kiss? Say, “I’d really like to kiss you.” Thinking you’d like your partner to help you undress? Ask them. You get the picture. A lot of these questions can make for great foreplay, be a huge turn-on, and they ensure that everyone is comfortable with what’s going down. It’s important even for partners who’ve been intimate before. What people like can change over time, and what you think you want to do at the start of an encounter can change as things progress, so check in regularly.
As you share likes and dislikes, and as you check in, be honest about how you’re feeling. It’s okay if you don’t like something. It’s okay if you want to try something new. It’s okay if you change your mind. If something feels great, say so. If you want to stop, tell your partner. If your partner seems uncomfortable about something, ask them what they want and how they’re feeling. Honestly is the best policy in plenty of areas, and definitely in the bedroom.
Be vocal, and listen to each other – even listen to what’s unspoken
If your partner asks, “Do you like it when I touch you like this?” and you answer, “Yes,” then they have a pretty clear answer. Well… it’s a clear answer as long as that “yes” is a strong one and your body is engaged in a way that shows you are actually finding pleasure in the experience. Clear language – like “yes” or “no,” “more” or “stop,” “I like that” or “that doesn’t feel good” – goes a long way in letting a partner know how you’re feeling and takes the guesswork out of things. But body language and nonverbal clues – like leaning in to a kiss or pulling away – also speak volumes, so make sure you listen and check in if you ever have questions about if your partner is enjoying themself.
Don’t assume that anyone is a mind reader
Your partner can’t know about your likes and dislikes, your fantasies and boundaries, what you’d really like to do together or what you aren’t comfortable with unless you tell them. Learning how to get comfortable when you talk about sex with your partner is important. Sure, maybe sometimes we’d all like to wish that our partners could know exactly what we wanted before we even have to ask. But until that day comes, we all do have to ask – and we have to listen to and respect the answers too.
With good communication, you and your partner can have an even better time together in bed. Oh, and that very sexy thing you thought of at the start of the article? Be sure to communicate that to your partner – chances are it could lead to a pretty amazing experience together.