“Give it time, it’ll happen when you stop trying so hard”
“You know, we weren’t even trying and then poof!”
“Have you tried….?”
These sorts of comments come from people who mean well but just don’t understand how difficult being TTC can be. They’re trying to ease your burden and help you relax, but they’re doing it in a way that actually makes things worse.
Let them know how genuinely hard the experience is and that you appreciate the support they’re trying to offer. Then, give them ways that they can actually help. Maybe they can help you dodge questions from older relatives who don’t understand or, at the very least, change the subject to make you feel more comfortable.
Though these remarks can come across as sarcastic, remember that it’s often just your family’s way of expressing their concern and their love.
“Isn’t it time you had a baby?”
“So when can we expect grandkids?”
“I was pregnant by your age”
These types of remarks will typically come from members of the older generation. The holidays are a time when people think deeply about family, and older relatives might be especially excited to see their family continue to grow.
You can easily turn unwanted questions like these into positive discussions about your family history. Try something like, “We’re hoping for a little one soon, and you’ll be the first to know! Speaking of family trees, can you tell me more about ours?”
Older relatives will have a lot of insight into your family’s medical history and any hereditary traits you should be aware of. This is really useful information, and could lead you to having an important conversation with your healthcare provider.
You can take that discussion one step further with a genetic screening. Our partners at Recombine have developed a genetic screening test called CarrierMap that determines how likely you and your partner are to pass on over 250 genetic diseases. When you combine this information with a detailed family history and an in-depth conversation with a Recombine genetic specialist, you’ll be empowered to make valuable health decisions for you and your growing family.
“Well did you figure out who the problem is — you or him?”
“Is he shooting blanks?”
“Aren’t you too young to be infertile?”
Some comments are meant to be helpful or come from a place of confusion and misunderstanding, and then there are comments that are…well, they’re just plain insensitive.
Distant relatives who don’t know you well or family members who have been enjoying too much special eggnog are likely to say all sorts of things. Sometimes, the best way to avoid an unpleasant question is to simply ignore it, change the subject, or just say that you aren’t talking about babies today.
This is your TTC journey, and you can say as much or as little as you want. Remember that the details are yours, and simply saying that being TTC is hard should be enough. An angry reply or sarcastic remark will only make you seem as insensitive as them.
While you’re surrounded by family this holiday season, for better or for worse, take time to strengthen your support network. Talk to your relatives about things that could actually help your journey, like your family history.
Depending on what you find out, it might be a good time to schedule a genetic screening. Talk to your healthcare provider about CarrierMap from Recombine, which can help you make important health decisions for your family. Tap the button below to request more information.
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