The idea of returning to the office after a year or more of working from home is a big transition for anybody. But when you have a little coworker or two at home — especially ones who are too young for remote school, and haven’t been going to preschool or daycare — there are even more issues to consider.
Separation anxiety
Separation anxiety often starts between 7 and 18 months old, though like anything else when it comes to children, there’s a wide range of ‘normal’ timeframes for separation anxiety to begin. If you haven’t spent much time apart from your little one(s) these past several months, they might not really have had an opportunity to develop separation anxiety, so returning to the office could be the spark.
How you help a child deal with separation anxiety really depends on how old they are, and how much their communication skills have developed. In fact, many parents notice that separation anxiety begins to fade when a child is able to express themselves verbally. This often happens around 3 years of age.
Strategies for managing it
Every child deals with separation differently, but the root cause is the same for every little one – Baby loves you, and wants to be around you! Doing some practice runs of leaving Baby with a loved one or other caregiver can help get them used to being without you for a bit. But not every family is able to do that — especially given uncertainties about childcare during the pandemic.
Even if you aren’t able to practice much, there are still plenty of things you can do to help your little one manage when the time does come to return to work. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends strategies like the following:
- Come up with a quick and consistent goodbye ritual: When it comes to leaving a child with separation anxiety at home, it’s usually best to pull off the bandage quickly. Long, drawn-out goodbyes will only make the experience more challenging for everybody.
- Stick to your word: Part of the reason many children struggle with separation anxiety is that they don’t fully understand yet that in just a few short hours, you’ll be back! Similar to keeping a consistent, familiar goodbye ritual, help your little one understand when you’ll be back, using terms that they can understand, and follow through on it! Your little one will thrive with your partner, or a caregiver, or at a daycare, or wherever else — they just need to build confidence in the fact that you’ll return so that they can build confidence in themselves!
- Make it personal: Have we ever told you that every child is different? Well, it’s true after all! The routine that worked for your oldest might not work for a little brother or sister, and that’s OK. Use trial and error to come up with a strategy that works for you and your little one, and remember to frame things in as familiar a way for them as possible. If your 3-year old is struggling with separation anxiety, it might be easier to build trust by explaining where you’ll be going and when you’ll be coming back. For younger toddlers and babies, it might be more sensory-based. It’s not always easy, but with a little patience, perseverance, and creativity, you’ll figure out the approach that works best for your little one.
Separation anxiety can affect any child, and can be emotionally difficult for you both. However, it’s important to remember that this too will pass. Play around with goodbye routines, keep it consistent, build the trust, and communicate on Baby‘s level. We’ve all navigated some rough seas this past year, and you’ll navigate this one too.
- Wendy Sue Swanson. “How to Ease Your Child’s Separation Anxiety.” Healthy Children.org. American Academy of Pediatrics. November 21, 2021. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Soothing-Your-Childs-Separation-Anxiety.aspx.
