Dear Ovia, My partner isn’t sure if he wants kids

Dear Ovia is an ongoing series where we answer your love and relationship questions. To submit a question, send us a message on Instagram. We answer all questions anonymously.

Dear Ovia, My partner of a few years isn’t sure if he wants to have kids and I know that I do. I thought he would change his mind on this as we got older, but he hasn’t…

I’ve had so much personal experience with this topic, this disagreement between partners happens so often! You’re not alone and it is SO tough. Every relationship involves compromise, but that level of compromise is up to you both. 

A big question: has your partner always maintained he’d like to be child free? Sometimes this feeling stems from childhood experiences, or his love for the life he has with you. Do these people change? Sometimes! But you can’t bank on it. The soul searching you have to do right now is your own. Can you live without being a parent? Will your relationship suffer because this need won’t be met? 

Many couples even take some time apart to ponder this exact question. If you take time apart, I would not frame the time you need as an ultimatum for him, but look at it as time spent evaluating your choices to be child free or seek parenthood another way. 

Parenthood is complex and life changing (I know there are some unicorn children out there, but most upend life as we know it). Having a partner who is all-in is amazing. There are so many people who are in your shoes waiting for that time to happen, but it generally can’t be rushed. 

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