So you’re thinking about having a baby. You might have been dreaming about getting pregnant and being a parent your whole life, but what about your partner? And how can you be sure that you’re both ready?
How to talk to your partner about having kids when you’re ready
Once you’re ready to have children, it doesn’t mean your partner is as well. It’s important to make sure that your partner is ready to start trying to conceive. Here are some questions to ask your partner that can help you start the conversation.
Does your partner want to have kids?
This question might seem like it’s so basic, we shouldn’t even mention it – but you have to start at the start. Before you try to get pregnant, it’s important to consider whether or not your partner wants to have kids. If they haven’t mentioned anything one way or the other about the two of you having a baby, it’s a good idea to bring it up when the timing feels right, just to make sure both of your heads are in the same place. Having a baby is a big choice, and you need to be sure that you’re both on the same page. This isn’t one of those instances where you should avoid a difficult conversation just because it’s difficult. If you’re at a place where you’re imagining pregnancy is in your near future, you definitely need to have that conversation to see if your partner imagines it in their own future too.
Does your partner want to share the responsibility with you?
Having and raising a baby is immensely rewarding – it’s also a ton of work over the course of years and years and years. And this is work that should be, ideally, split among both parents – so you’re going to want to make sure that your partner understands this and is willing to be a good partner with you in both your relationship and the parenting game. Raising a child is likely the biggest undertaking that either of you have ever faced thus far in life, so you should both know what you’re getting into, together.
Do you have a healthy relationship?
Some people in not-so-great relationships or marriages often believe that having a child together is the best way to fix what’s broken. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. The stress of raising a child can compound with the stress of an unhappy relationship, and this usually just makes things worse for all involved. Having a baby is one of the most beautiful ways to make a relationship stronger, but only if it’s a happy, healthy one to begin with.
So are you ready to have children together?
Even if you’re ready for children, the time may not be right for your partner. Some people need to wait until what feels like the right time for them to be ready to want to have children, some people change their minds about how they feel as time passes or as life circumstances change, and some people know very clearly all along what they want or don’t want – whether that’s having kids or not having kids. So be open, be honest, and be patient. Be clear about what you want, and be ready to hear what your partner wants too. If you and your partner keep the lines of communication open, you’ll be able to learn more about how each of you feels, be honest about the situation, and figure out if this is the right time for you both.