Now, not all of these comebacks fit every scenario, but if you catch the perfect storm of jerk, you’ll have a great opportunity to pull some of these out.
“Do YOU eat in the bathroom?”
From men or women, one of the most common misguided reactions to breastfeeding in public is asking the mom to move to the bathroom – the very same bathroom that breeds bacteria and other types of ickiness. Asking you to move to the bathroom is the same as asking your baby to eat in the bathroom. Give them a taste of their own medicine.
“My baby needs to eat. YOU don’t have to look.”
Surely this person is at least FAMILIAR with babies, right? Babies could care less about a schedule – they just want to eat. If it’s really bugging this person, all they have to do is not look. Poof. Magic solution.
“Would you mind reading the law?”
In all 50 U.S. states, public breastfeeding is a now a right that’s just as protected as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. So if anyone gives you a hard time, feel free to remind them that you have every – extremely legal – right to do what you’re doing.
“Why don’t you tell your mom you were harassing a breastfeeding woman? Better yet, why don’t I?”
Try bringing their mother into the situation. It’s one thing to be a jerk behind a veil of anonymity, but it’s a whole different story when the prospect of disappointing one’s parents comes into play. This occasionally backfires, since you never know exactly who someone’s mother is, but when it works, it works well.
“It’s almost like you’ve never seen a boob.”
Go after their ego. Some people might defend themselves, and talk about how they have, in fact, seen breasts before. This only makes them look worse.
“You are aware what these are for, right?”
It can seem like people sometimes forget the fact that we are mammals, and people have been breastfeeding in public for as long as there have been people. Some just need a little reminding.
“Oh you want me to use a cover? Why don’t you try it?”
Breastfeeding covers are great in principle, but when it gets hot, and your baby starts fussing, there’s only so much patience a person can have, especially when it’s perfectly okay to do it in public without a cover. Challenge the cover-suggester to give it a go for him- or her- self – they probably won’t take you up on it, but you’ll definitely get the point across.